8.23.2010
8.20.2010
chuggin along the highway
so i made the rounds of calling a couple of my friends last night after a faculty meeting. i couldn't get ahold of two of them, got a dropped call from one, and had a nice little conversation with my friend nikki in vermont. it sort of got me thinking about what a shitty friend i am. there was a period when i was dating my ex, that i never talked to my friends. then when we broke up, i talked to them all the time. i suppose that's the way it works. and like good friends, they lifted me up when i was down. my friends christina, jaime, and jillian suffered through countless calls. for the record, i facebook with jaime now (who is married), occasionally talk with christina (who now has a little girl), and get to talk to jillian once in a while (different time zone). the friends that i had in florida (which were so close for a period in my life) are now relegated to christmas card status. its not intentional, but it is still shitty of me to not put in effort.
of course, all of this goes with our friends who recently moved. i had a tiny bit of awkward silences with my friend sarah today. i guess it comes to the fact that we have never outlined how or distance relationship works. i am hanging on to what it was like to have them close...and they are working and living and getting ready for baby. i think i said something like you should come over next weekend (which isn't really very cost effective, since we will see them the next weekend) and then i got the litany of comments that i have handed my friends on multiple occasions: a) the drive is long b) the car and mileage and c) two travel weekends in a row. of course, this is where i inserted that since they moved, we have either traveled too or with them four times. but i digress...i get it. its not practical and those are pretty good reasons. however, i said the obvious "when the baby comes...what happens." isn't this a concern for alot of people. if you cant make time now...when? im so guilty of this. sarah said i was paranoid...but i think its a fair question. i get cards in the mail all the time from a friend of mine from high school. do i reply...normally not. i send one christmas card. its not fair.
d was pretty much saying all those excuses to me last weekend before we went to tulsa...a) the money b) the gas c) its so and so's turn...but in the end, we came to the realization that some things are just more important than those lists. however, how many times can you tell yourself that. christina and i have been telling each other that we were going to visit each other for years...hasn't happened. i saw her once in orlando a few years ago...but it was simply because we were both traveling there at the same time. i saw jillian a few years back...but it happened to be at the same time that i was in ca for a conference. in the last few/next few weeks, we went to a concert in texas and will go to ks with slancer. we had a blast, and im sure we will have...but we would have all gone on those trips anyway. see...it just doesn't count. in lieu of feeling sad about all of my friends around the country that i a) don't talk to anymore b) feel sad about or c) relegate to facebook...i offer the following article that i found off the internet. its interesting and may bring comfort and advice to those who miss that special someone from high school, college, or maybe an old family friend...
THE DISTANCE FRIEND
Whether you met in high school, college, or some other time in life – chances are high that distance will come between you and some of your closest and dearest friends. How are we supposed to maintain long-distance friendships? Some people find it difficult enough to maintain friendships with people in the same town. So how are we supposed to survive a hundred miles or more?
The truth is that it isn’t easy. And that’s okay…if you’re willing to put in a little effort occasionally. But remember, both parties have to put in equal effort. And that effort might pay off tenfold if: you suddenly live in the same area, you get married, you get divorced, you have children, you travel through their town, or if you just want to maintain that friendship because it’s important to you as a person.
Ways to maintain distance friendships
1. Commit. Just like in a romantic relationship, friendships require commitment. If you’re not willing to make the commitment to stay connected to someone you care about, then simply put – you won’t. Just when you think you committed...commit more. remember that its a two way street. if you friend is doing all the lifting...they will feel lonley and eventully stop lifting at all.
2. Variety. Myspace. Facebook. E-mail. Texting. Calling. There are a variety of ways to stay connect, so there is no excuse not to! The better the friend, the more variety in their ways to connect to you. If you are only using myspace to stay connected to your best friend, chances are that you probably won’t be best friends for very long. It’s important to hear their voice! So use a variety of methods and use them frequently. If you talked with someone three times a week when you lived in the same city, then try to match that.
3. Driving. I hate people who talk on their cell phone and drive!! But I’m guilty. It’s my main way of staying connected to my best friends. If it’s going to take me 20 minutes to get home, I might as well do something positive on the way there. Headsets are a great idea, and don’t be afraid to say – “hold on” when your driving requires some more attention. And please don’t hit me with your car. Thank You.
4. Memory. While your friend is telling you all about her experiences with new friends, people, and work – it’s likely that you won’t know any of these people. Trying to keep everybody and everything straight can be a challenge. What’s a solution? Write it down. You will need to work extra hard to remember what your friend is saying because you’ll have no other personal connection to it all. Remembering the details and the people’s names is a great way to show your friend that you care and you are paying attention. Need some help remember?
5. Notebook. Grab a spiral notebook while you’re chatting on the phone (NOT while you’re driving!) and jot down the important stuff – people places, etc. Glance over it again to refresh your memory before calling or writing your friend. Little details make a big difference.
6. Plan a monthly trip. Even if you’re both broke, plan a trip together every month (more if you have the funds to do so). If you live more than three hours apart, you might only be able to do this quarterly. Make it an annual thing, if you live cross country, and take lots of pictures. You can go to your friends place, your friend can come see you, or you can both go somewhere else together. Bring spouses and partners if you want, but warn them that it’s going to be a lot of “catching up” and it could get boring for others.
7. Snail mail. Sending things in the mail may be a thing of the past, but if you don’t want your friendship to ALSO be a thing of the past, it’s time you figured out how to mail things. Yes, there are stamps involved. The post office can help you, but be prepared to wait in line and deal with cranky people. What can you send your friend? Anything! A note, postcard, letter, picture, book, cd, anything!
8. Their friends. Your friend will make new friends. Be ready to accept that, and even more importantly – get to know them! Meet them, write them, talk to them. These people surround your friend’s life. If you are even just casual friends with the new friends, you will stay closer. If they want to surprise your friend, or if your friend really needs help – these new people will know they can count on you. And so will your friend. Remember that if you make new friend, be sensitive about the issue with your old ones...to help them feel included.
9. The bad stuff. When you experience something bad – whether it’s a bad day, or just a bad moment (feeling lonely, sad, angry, etc) call your friend. That’s what friends are for. Don’t think that just because it’s a long distance friendship that you can only share the good stuff. Great friends are there for the good AND the bad. So be sure to call when you need someone to talk to.
of course, all of this goes with our friends who recently moved. i had a tiny bit of awkward silences with my friend sarah today. i guess it comes to the fact that we have never outlined how or distance relationship works. i am hanging on to what it was like to have them close...and they are working and living and getting ready for baby. i think i said something like you should come over next weekend (which isn't really very cost effective, since we will see them the next weekend) and then i got the litany of comments that i have handed my friends on multiple occasions: a) the drive is long b) the car and mileage and c) two travel weekends in a row. of course, this is where i inserted that since they moved, we have either traveled too or with them four times. but i digress...i get it. its not practical and those are pretty good reasons. however, i said the obvious "when the baby comes...what happens." isn't this a concern for alot of people. if you cant make time now...when? im so guilty of this. sarah said i was paranoid...but i think its a fair question. i get cards in the mail all the time from a friend of mine from high school. do i reply...normally not. i send one christmas card. its not fair.
d was pretty much saying all those excuses to me last weekend before we went to tulsa...a) the money b) the gas c) its so and so's turn...but in the end, we came to the realization that some things are just more important than those lists. however, how many times can you tell yourself that. christina and i have been telling each other that we were going to visit each other for years...hasn't happened. i saw her once in orlando a few years ago...but it was simply because we were both traveling there at the same time. i saw jillian a few years back...but it happened to be at the same time that i was in ca for a conference. in the last few/next few weeks, we went to a concert in texas and will go to ks with slancer. we had a blast, and im sure we will have...but we would have all gone on those trips anyway. see...it just doesn't count. in lieu of feeling sad about all of my friends around the country that i a) don't talk to anymore b) feel sad about or c) relegate to facebook...i offer the following article that i found off the internet. its interesting and may bring comfort and advice to those who miss that special someone from high school, college, or maybe an old family friend...
THE DISTANCE FRIEND
Whether you met in high school, college, or some other time in life – chances are high that distance will come between you and some of your closest and dearest friends. How are we supposed to maintain long-distance friendships? Some people find it difficult enough to maintain friendships with people in the same town. So how are we supposed to survive a hundred miles or more?
The truth is that it isn’t easy. And that’s okay…if you’re willing to put in a little effort occasionally. But remember, both parties have to put in equal effort. And that effort might pay off tenfold if: you suddenly live in the same area, you get married, you get divorced, you have children, you travel through their town, or if you just want to maintain that friendship because it’s important to you as a person.
Ways to maintain distance friendships
1. Commit. Just like in a romantic relationship, friendships require commitment. If you’re not willing to make the commitment to stay connected to someone you care about, then simply put – you won’t. Just when you think you committed...commit more. remember that its a two way street. if you friend is doing all the lifting...they will feel lonley and eventully stop lifting at all.
2. Variety. Myspace. Facebook. E-mail. Texting. Calling. There are a variety of ways to stay connect, so there is no excuse not to! The better the friend, the more variety in their ways to connect to you. If you are only using myspace to stay connected to your best friend, chances are that you probably won’t be best friends for very long. It’s important to hear their voice! So use a variety of methods and use them frequently. If you talked with someone three times a week when you lived in the same city, then try to match that.
3. Driving. I hate people who talk on their cell phone and drive!! But I’m guilty. It’s my main way of staying connected to my best friends. If it’s going to take me 20 minutes to get home, I might as well do something positive on the way there. Headsets are a great idea, and don’t be afraid to say – “hold on” when your driving requires some more attention. And please don’t hit me with your car. Thank You.
4. Memory. While your friend is telling you all about her experiences with new friends, people, and work – it’s likely that you won’t know any of these people. Trying to keep everybody and everything straight can be a challenge. What’s a solution? Write it down. You will need to work extra hard to remember what your friend is saying because you’ll have no other personal connection to it all. Remembering the details and the people’s names is a great way to show your friend that you care and you are paying attention. Need some help remember?
5. Notebook. Grab a spiral notebook while you’re chatting on the phone (NOT while you’re driving!) and jot down the important stuff – people places, etc. Glance over it again to refresh your memory before calling or writing your friend. Little details make a big difference.
6. Plan a monthly trip. Even if you’re both broke, plan a trip together every month (more if you have the funds to do so). If you live more than three hours apart, you might only be able to do this quarterly. Make it an annual thing, if you live cross country, and take lots of pictures. You can go to your friends place, your friend can come see you, or you can both go somewhere else together. Bring spouses and partners if you want, but warn them that it’s going to be a lot of “catching up” and it could get boring for others.
7. Snail mail. Sending things in the mail may be a thing of the past, but if you don’t want your friendship to ALSO be a thing of the past, it’s time you figured out how to mail things. Yes, there are stamps involved. The post office can help you, but be prepared to wait in line and deal with cranky people. What can you send your friend? Anything! A note, postcard, letter, picture, book, cd, anything!
8. Their friends. Your friend will make new friends. Be ready to accept that, and even more importantly – get to know them! Meet them, write them, talk to them. These people surround your friend’s life. If you are even just casual friends with the new friends, you will stay closer. If they want to surprise your friend, or if your friend really needs help – these new people will know they can count on you. And so will your friend. Remember that if you make new friend, be sensitive about the issue with your old ones...to help them feel included.
9. The bad stuff. When you experience something bad – whether it’s a bad day, or just a bad moment (feeling lonely, sad, angry, etc) call your friend. That’s what friends are for. Don’t think that just because it’s a long distance friendship that you can only share the good stuff. Great friends are there for the good AND the bad. So be sure to call when you need someone to talk to.
8.19.2010
slightly better
so this has been a slightly better week. a few things happened: i got to tour the space for the new job...which is really great, school is starting, oh...and daniel and i discovered "nurse jackie":)
of course, the other big thing was that we got to see sarah d. and lancer. of course, it was too brief, but it always is. gosh i miss them. its crazy. they are so special to me...its kinda gay:) sarah is one of those people that i can talk to about anything and lance is so much more than the pretty boy that i had a little man crush on when we met. hes sweet, sensitive, and will be the sort of father that everyone wishes they had. i love them both and miss tbem (and stella) way too much.
tbe week was pretty good though. well, other than my dear friend jessica who is going through a break-up. he wasnt the one or her...but alas, that doesnt make it better.
you know...i hear the ticking...of 30 coming! seeing sarah and lance makes me think about the possibilty of having kids one day. i think i might like them. i am great with kids...which is kind of wierd. i am going to try to be the best uncle and godfather to cadence that i can be. ill probably spoil him (like charlee) but i also think that i am firm and honest. that kid is so lucky to have parents like sarah and lance. i wonder if one day, i can have one...
of course, the other big thing was that we got to see sarah d. and lancer. of course, it was too brief, but it always is. gosh i miss them. its crazy. they are so special to me...its kinda gay:) sarah is one of those people that i can talk to about anything and lance is so much more than the pretty boy that i had a little man crush on when we met. hes sweet, sensitive, and will be the sort of father that everyone wishes they had. i love them both and miss tbem (and stella) way too much.
tbe week was pretty good though. well, other than my dear friend jessica who is going through a break-up. he wasnt the one or her...but alas, that doesnt make it better.
you know...i hear the ticking...of 30 coming! seeing sarah and lance makes me think about the possibilty of having kids one day. i think i might like them. i am great with kids...which is kind of wierd. i am going to try to be the best uncle and godfather to cadence that i can be. ill probably spoil him (like charlee) but i also think that i am firm and honest. that kid is so lucky to have parents like sarah and lance. i wonder if one day, i can have one...
8.12.2010
the not so great depression
so i just say this crazy woman on the today show talking about "the art of journaling." a topic like that would normally not make me mad, but something about this woman's suggestions got on my nerves. according to this lady, one should never put personal narrative on a blog. one should never use real names (even in a written journal). finally, one should never publicly display their material. well if that's the case, i am fucked with this blog and i might as well cancel the check.
i suppose i get what shes saying regarding the blogs (in theory) but that number two suggestion just seems odd. either way, i fully realize that nobody actually reads my blog...and therefore, it is like private journaling. also, i understand that i cannot blog, write, and journal. i am in an attempt to steam line...so if you don't like hearing my rants and raves, im sorry...ms. today show lady.
my rant is about this funk that i am in. im in a really weird place right now. i was downsized out in april and have actually used my time effectively. projects have been done around the house and things have been taken care of. i also landed a job with a catering concept which is opening soon (not soon enough). that all being said, the last few weeks have been really challenging. i have broke out into tears four nights this week...and its thursday...so you do the math. maybe i need to up my dosages again...but i feel like this depression is getting pretty deep. infact, it reminds me of when i was working at the devil and had such sadness over my role (and myself) there.
i think a few things have really added to my great depression. first, im ready to return to work and i am patiently waiting for the opening. i enjoy being able to write, teach, and get basic shopping/cleaning done without crowds...but im ready to return to a venue that challenges me and provides me with some sort of creative expression. that's why im excited about the new job.
second, i had all these great dreams about opening my own little store. i met with bankers, investment people, business development people...and then nothing. when it became clear to me that financially...my dream wasnt possible...my dream sort of died. i was consumed with making it happen...and then bam...it was done.
third, there is this overwhelming feeling of not being able to get married that is really bothering me as i knock on the 30 door. it has been going on for a bit and of course got re-intensified at slancers wedding. as happy as you are for all of your friends who get married, welcome babies, start new ventures...theres a part of you that goes...is this it. i think daniel and i would love to get married and experience that together..and yet, cant currently (in state). furthermore, im not sure daniel really wants that...and that saddens me. he comes from a family where marriage=bad and therefore has mixed feelings on it. if that is truly the case...once you buy a house...are you done?
finally, the biggest issue lately has been my circle. i sort of feel like when i lost my job, i had my circle around me to pick me up and dust me off. however, as time passes, the calls lessen and finally you are lucky to get an email. its hard because i put such stock in my friendships and circle. jessica has a new boyfriend and stays pretty busy with this exciting development. abby, suzanne, jay, and corey all moved away. we hardly see aleks and jon. chris and wes travel a ton. my old friends are spread out all over the country from ca to tx, ny to ri.
then of course, you have slancer. as a couple, they were as close as anyone daniel and i have ever let in. with the marriage, move, and baby and all...i am having the hardest time that one could imagine. you try not to talk about it (for daniel sake) and to not bring people down...but i just feel like some great vacuum came in and sucked the life out of me. we spent two to three nights a week with them. its the nights...now...that are the hardest part. i was crying during "modern family" last night. then i sit patiently waiting for a text, a facebook, a call...anything. once i get it...im on top of the world...till i start to not hear. you see...i sound like a ten year old girl...but the truth is...i may not have lost my best friends...but the relationship has truly changed...and it hasn't been renegotiated. do we go there, do they come here. what about gas money. they dont seem to want to drive. daniel seems tired. do i need to ask permission to go there. how do i suggest they come here. does lance quiet. does daniel. sarah is preggers. lancer doesn't have the weekend off. daniel has to work saturday. its just crazy and i miss when it was all easy. saturday night/wednesday night=slancer. friday night=wes/chris. saturday morning=jessica. thursday night=wayne/daniel night. i feel needy and pathetic when i call friends. its just a mess and i don't want to impose on anyone...odd. of course...i try not to think that others are coping a hell of a lot better than i. that cant be good for the ego. it doesnt help that d and i have lived within the existance of the four of us (the slance group) and the family we created...and now were trying to recall life before that time and what exactly we did (pre-schedule).
i guess im just lonely. i feel like i am annoying daniel with all of this. i am annoying myself. i am missing my friends. i am missing creative expression. i am missing work...its just a depression. its a dark spot...and i want out!
i suppose i get what shes saying regarding the blogs (in theory) but that number two suggestion just seems odd. either way, i fully realize that nobody actually reads my blog...and therefore, it is like private journaling. also, i understand that i cannot blog, write, and journal. i am in an attempt to steam line...so if you don't like hearing my rants and raves, im sorry...ms. today show lady.
my rant is about this funk that i am in. im in a really weird place right now. i was downsized out in april and have actually used my time effectively. projects have been done around the house and things have been taken care of. i also landed a job with a catering concept which is opening soon (not soon enough). that all being said, the last few weeks have been really challenging. i have broke out into tears four nights this week...and its thursday...so you do the math. maybe i need to up my dosages again...but i feel like this depression is getting pretty deep. infact, it reminds me of when i was working at the devil and had such sadness over my role (and myself) there.
i think a few things have really added to my great depression. first, im ready to return to work and i am patiently waiting for the opening. i enjoy being able to write, teach, and get basic shopping/cleaning done without crowds...but im ready to return to a venue that challenges me and provides me with some sort of creative expression. that's why im excited about the new job.
second, i had all these great dreams about opening my own little store. i met with bankers, investment people, business development people...and then nothing. when it became clear to me that financially...my dream wasnt possible...my dream sort of died. i was consumed with making it happen...and then bam...it was done.
third, there is this overwhelming feeling of not being able to get married that is really bothering me as i knock on the 30 door. it has been going on for a bit and of course got re-intensified at slancers wedding. as happy as you are for all of your friends who get married, welcome babies, start new ventures...theres a part of you that goes...is this it. i think daniel and i would love to get married and experience that together..and yet, cant currently (in state). furthermore, im not sure daniel really wants that...and that saddens me. he comes from a family where marriage=bad and therefore has mixed feelings on it. if that is truly the case...once you buy a house...are you done?
finally, the biggest issue lately has been my circle. i sort of feel like when i lost my job, i had my circle around me to pick me up and dust me off. however, as time passes, the calls lessen and finally you are lucky to get an email. its hard because i put such stock in my friendships and circle. jessica has a new boyfriend and stays pretty busy with this exciting development. abby, suzanne, jay, and corey all moved away. we hardly see aleks and jon. chris and wes travel a ton. my old friends are spread out all over the country from ca to tx, ny to ri.
then of course, you have slancer. as a couple, they were as close as anyone daniel and i have ever let in. with the marriage, move, and baby and all...i am having the hardest time that one could imagine. you try not to talk about it (for daniel sake) and to not bring people down...but i just feel like some great vacuum came in and sucked the life out of me. we spent two to three nights a week with them. its the nights...now...that are the hardest part. i was crying during "modern family" last night. then i sit patiently waiting for a text, a facebook, a call...anything. once i get it...im on top of the world...till i start to not hear. you see...i sound like a ten year old girl...but the truth is...i may not have lost my best friends...but the relationship has truly changed...and it hasn't been renegotiated. do we go there, do they come here. what about gas money. they dont seem to want to drive. daniel seems tired. do i need to ask permission to go there. how do i suggest they come here. does lance quiet. does daniel. sarah is preggers. lancer doesn't have the weekend off. daniel has to work saturday. its just crazy and i miss when it was all easy. saturday night/wednesday night=slancer. friday night=wes/chris. saturday morning=jessica. thursday night=wayne/daniel night. i feel needy and pathetic when i call friends. its just a mess and i don't want to impose on anyone...odd. of course...i try not to think that others are coping a hell of a lot better than i. that cant be good for the ego. it doesnt help that d and i have lived within the existance of the four of us (the slance group) and the family we created...and now were trying to recall life before that time and what exactly we did (pre-schedule).
i guess im just lonely. i feel like i am annoying daniel with all of this. i am annoying myself. i am missing my friends. i am missing creative expression. i am missing work...its just a depression. its a dark spot...and i want out!
8.09.2010
my ray oh ray
anyone who knows me knows how much i love my ray lamontagne...
here is a streaming link to his new cd which comes out later this month:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128986999
here is a streaming link to his new cd which comes out later this month:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128986999
8.06.2010
ah slancers wedding photos
okay...so the official photos havent come in yet (we are all waiting), but here is a link to some pictures taken at the recent wedding:
PICS
it was a lovely event. that all being said, gosh i miss the d-millers. ive had the hardest time with their move to tulsa. ive been through this before in my life. when my friend christina left florida, i expiernced it. when i returned from florida to jonesboro, i missed many of my friends. then of course, when i went throuh the break-up heard round the world in 2005, i went through it.
it seems so different this time. i dont exactly know why? i suppose it has to do with the fact that the four of us are so intertwined. i even notice daniel is noticing it. who knows?
anyway, everything else is okay around here. charlee is as cute as ever. i may be starting work at brickhouse soon. my classes are about to start up with nwacc. we are going to kansas with the davis-millers at the end of the month. anyway...just a blue day...nothing big. enjoy the first set of pics...
PICS
it was a lovely event. that all being said, gosh i miss the d-millers. ive had the hardest time with their move to tulsa. ive been through this before in my life. when my friend christina left florida, i expiernced it. when i returned from florida to jonesboro, i missed many of my friends. then of course, when i went throuh the break-up heard round the world in 2005, i went through it.
it seems so different this time. i dont exactly know why? i suppose it has to do with the fact that the four of us are so intertwined. i even notice daniel is noticing it. who knows?
anyway, everything else is okay around here. charlee is as cute as ever. i may be starting work at brickhouse soon. my classes are about to start up with nwacc. we are going to kansas with the davis-millers at the end of the month. anyway...just a blue day...nothing big. enjoy the first set of pics...
8.03.2010
lady gaga/slancers honeymoon weekend
heres a link to some lovely pics of slancers honeymoon/our lady gaga weekend extravaganza (with a few random puppy pics mixed in).
7.28.2010
how does all this become a wedding cake...
i dont know which was worse...a) the look of terror on charlee's face when i came in the door, b) the poor little lady at walmart who said "oh lord" when i came to her line or c) me walking around walmart with two overflowing shopping baskets... p.s. i also like what the little asian lady at walmart said: "if me, i go to bonefish cafe and take my best friends and eat steak and shrimp...and let them do all the work and go justice of peace. lol
7.19.2010
7.06.2010
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